Friday, December 26, 2014

“How’s your heart’s condition?”


Assalamualaikum w.b.t

“How’s your heart’s condition?” That super-duper caring, sweet, tall, dark, handsome, annoyingly-mean-at-times and unfortunately my bestfriend a.k.a soulmate-tak-berapa-nak-soulmate-sangat asked. (PS: hari ni 1st anniversary beliau with bae nye, Cik Eira. Congrats ~ ^_^ )

Well, on scale 1-10 with 10 being I’m the happiest, all day cheerful, living as if I’m in cloud nine and 1 as the worst, I’m in most dreadful condition and slowly dying inside. 

Hurm, I would say, now I am on the scale of 5 trying to climb up to 6. I’m still in my healing and recovering process. I am not as dreadful or horrible as I remember I was two months ago (which was on scale 1&2) but I am still quite vulnerable alone. It still stings a little when I hear his name, or when songs we used to sing suddenly being played on the radio. 

Being around people I love, doing things that I love (reading, watching dramas, watching tv, play in the rain, running around chasing my little kittens, picking up fights with my siblings and cuddling with them and etc ) and eating delicious food I love helped me a lot in the healing process.

I’m holding on and powering up myself. ( POWER UP ~~) hahaha. Anyway, I’m fine. Terrifically fine for a person with a terribly broken heart.

Ps: Baru dua bulan ni, rilek la. Its still too early and even within this two months, I managed to stop all those terrible midnight tears and unnecessary sudden tears while walking or eating. I’m healing. No worries. I’ll be fine. In fact, I am feeling fine now. Much better than I used to. ^_^

Friday, April 25, 2014

Self Rewards.




We call it as self reward. We eat all we can to satisfy our appetites. These days had been really tiring. All of us had things to do. I was kept busy ever since my mid semester break. I had Ministry of Education Cup Debate during the holiday.  After that, I had to complete assignments, case studies, debate practices, Enactus works. I was exhausted. I wanted to go out. But last weekend I had Debat Piala Naib Canselor. This weekend, I still have things to do. But, since the hospital program got cancelled on the very last minute, I took that chance to go out with my friends and dine at Pizza Hut. I've been craving for that for a month or more.. Alhamdulillah..

These lads : Yana, Dayah, Payeh & Jakir

Mushroom Soup & Garlic Bread

My Spaghetti Carbonara and Chicken Pepperoni

My piece of Chicken Supreme

Seafood pizza.. forgot the name. Ate a slice of this and suffered. Dang !
Me : indulging on the spaghetti

Yeah ! Totaled up to RM 133.30.

The three of us

Me, Yana and Dayah. The roomates.

Thank you for being here :)

Sunday, March 23, 2014

He literally took his heart out for me

"I saw him there. Tall and dark he was. His back was facing me so I couldn't see his face. But I could feel his coldness towards me. Everything around us was dark and cold. He asked me to follow him and I did. He didn't face me but he suddenly stopped before a door to another dark room. He let out his left hand and a little flashes of light came and I saw a heart in his left hand. It was white, pale, shrunk, bloodless and yet, still beating, very slowly. He literally took his heart out for me. He slowly walk into the room. It was still cold but there's a little light in this room. I followed him. The light came out from a surgery lamp that stood in between two surgery beds. He slowly walk to the bed and laid down on it. He asked me to take my heart out. I don't know how and why, but without hesitation, I took my heart out and gave it to him. My heart was warm, bloody and still beating too. He gave his cold heart to me and I gave my warm heart to him. He put my heart in his chest and I put his heart in my chest. I could feel his cold heart starting to beat in me and blood pumping all over it. I can hear his breathing. And then, he told me, I have made him alive."

---> This was my dream last night. I sort of like saw flashes of these images and heard these words : "He literally took his heart out for me" and "I have made him alive". After Subuh prayer, I sat on the prayer mat for almost half and hour, in the dark (I didn't switch on the lights) trying to figure out what kind of dream I had. The two sentences just now keep on repeating in my head, again and again the whole day and I couldn't stop thinking about that pale and bloodless heart. The dream was so vivid until I could remember it so clearly until now. I heard the voices that told me, 'he literally took his heart out for me' in my head a lot of times today. I wanted to figure out the meaning of this dream but in the end, I conclude, there's no use to it. Mimpi itu cuma mainan tidur. Maybe I have been imagining things too much. *sigh*

Thursday, February 6, 2014




Just now, I logged on to Facebook and saw a post on The Guardian shared by Wardina Safiyyah Official Page. I was intrigued by the title of the post : Neil Gaiman : Why our future depends on libraries, reading and daydreaming Since I love going to what most people call boring places : libraries and museums, I love to read fictions and I love to daydream and imagine living in the fiction world, I thoroughly read the post and found these words at the end of the post :

"Albert Einstein was asked once how we could make our children intelligent. His reply was both simple and wise. "If you want your children to be intelligent," he said, "read them fairy tales. If you want them to be more intelligent, read them more fairy tales." He understood the value of reading, and of imagining. I hope we can give our children a world in which they will read, and be read to, and imagine, and understand. "

Upon reading those words, I read the words written by Wardina Safiyyah as caption to the post she shared :

"If you love your children please, PLEASE limit the ipad and gadgets. It changes their brain connections.... it doesn't help speech development...motor development... reading ability...I can list many more negative effects. There's no rush. Menyedihkan melihat ketagihan ipad... overseas there are already centres to help children who are addicted. It is and will be a serious problem the future. wallahualam."

Malaysians widely know Wardina Safiyyah as an exemplary mother who nurtured her children to read a lot and teach them on Islamic based values. After reading her caption and the post by Neil Gaiman, I couldn't agree more that parents nowadays are taking the easy way to educate their children. They let the children play games on Ipad and computers because there are claims that the games can develop the children's brain. They let their small children watch TV the whole day just because there are tutor TV and so on that could help them in their studies. They prefer letting the technologies do the 'educating tasks' that should have been theirs. 

I am not yet a mother but I have seen many children with bad behaviours. Children are supposed to be playful and naughty a bit. But these playfulness are different with bad behaviours. There are researches done and proven how technologies that are exposed too early can influence the children to behave badly. In the early ages, the children's brain are like sponges. They 'absorb', process and remember what they see, hear and feel. It is important to nurture the children carefully in the early ages. Nurture their love and passion to reading in the early 10 years of life and InsyaAllah, after that, they will love to read, unforcefuly. 

The importance of reading may seem to be petty and trivial and some parents might feel that it is probably too early to teach their children how to read at the age of three or four. Most parents would think the age six would be most appropriate to teach the children since most children starts their schooling years at the age of six. WRONG ! It is never too early to teach children to read. I once read my father's journal. It was a journal he made to monitor his children's developments. Since I am the first child, mine was the most complete and the most detailed. (He noted my ages when I started grow my first teeth,my first step,my first word, my first time knowing alphabets, my first time reading, my first time gong to school, etc). I was taught to read by my parents (who are teachers) as soon as I started to utter words and at the age of five, I could read Malay story books smoothly without having my parents to help me pronouncing the words,I could read English storybooks, open up dictionaries to look for words I don't understand and scribble the meaning of the words on the book. 

Most people would say, "Yes, of course. Your parents are both teachers. For sure they know how to teach their children." Well, yes. But, in my opinion, all parents are their children's first teachers. To teach them how to eat, how to tie their shoes, how to read, how to pray, how to recite the Qur'an. It is the parent's job and responsibility to teach and educate the children. Just because there are teachers, the parents cannot simply abandon their responsibility to teach the children and solely let the teachers do the teaching part.

Reading is the door to imagining and imagination is the door to take you to places and inventing great things. If Thomas Edison never imagined the 'bulb' that can create light in the night, we might still living in darkness every night. TV, ipad, computer and video games restrict the children's imagination. Instead, the words narrated in fictions, with correct punctuation, use of words and narration, the children will be able to use their imagination and create their own imaginative world, see and feel things. Even the first word Allah delivered to human is 'IQRA' which means 'read'. Islam has acknowledge the importance of reading but still, many finds it boring and tiring. 

So please, let the children read, instead of giving them ipads. Bring the children to libraries instead of going to malls. Without love to reading, the children presumably be less literate and less numerate than we are. They will be less able to navigate the world and to understand it to solve problems.

"Books are the way that we communicate with the dead. The way that we learn lessons from those who are no longer with us, that humanity has built on itself, progressed, made knowledge incremental rather than something that has to be relearned, over and over. There are tales that are older than most countries, tales that have long outlasted the cultures and the buildings in which they were first told." -Neil Gaiman

Sunday, January 5, 2014



Assalamualaikum w.b.t

I had a weird dream last night. I was on a world that is 247degrees different from the world I am living in. In the world, I was kind of like a normal me. There was green field and red sky. Also, there was a weird animal. The front was like platypus. With the head, the beak and the neck. But the body was like hippopotamus, with the feathers on top of the body, like shuttle-cock. I had a fight with that animal. After I killed the animal,  was brought to this shopping mall I guess. The ceiling was made from glass, almost Hogwarts-like. 

Then, there was a lot of dresses and sweat-shirts. The sweat-shirts are mostly white and black. There was many colourful dresses but I saw a black-purple dress and was deeply attached to it. I wanted to buy the dress but I couldn't since I don't have the money that is used in that place. But there is a small ATM next to the shop. I had to use my ID Card to withdraw the money and all the money was shilling. After I finished paying for the dress, I wanted to go out from the mall. But all the door was closed and I had to jump from the third floor and fight some giants, elfs and I also remembered a fairy. And so was it, I couldn't remember the rest of the dreams.

This whole day, I had my mind all over the dream and I keep on repeating what I saw in my dream. Well, I am a person who couldn't live with all the curiosity. So, I had to made my own little research as usual. I read about how dreams are formed, why people dreams, and a few other facts about dreaming. So, before we move on about dream. We have to first, understand 'sleep' and brain condition during our sleep.

So, basically, when we sleep, we have to go through 5 stages of sleep. The first stage is the light sleep where the muscles started to relax. At this stage, it is easy to wake up. On the second stage, the heartbeat and breathing rate starts to decrease slowly and a person enters a calming phase at this stage. At third stage, the brain starts to generate slow delta waves and the person falls into deep sleep. At this stage, the brain starts to organize info, data and memories of the day. The fourth stage is when the person is in really deep sleep and full rest. The brain starts to produce delta waves and breathing becomes rhythmical and stable. The fifth stage is the stage where dreams are formed. The brain waves speed up at this stage and muscles are temporarily paralyzed. Heartbeat and breathing rate increases. Rapid eye movement (REM) occurs at this stage.

The sleeping stages

Scientist and researches believe that a person goes through the five stages of sleeping repeatedly when they are sleeping. The sleep during the fifth stage is called the REM sleep while the other four stages are called the (No Rapid Eye Movement) NREM sleep. REM was first discovered  in 1953, when researchers first described REM in sleeping infants. Studies about sleep and dreams was considered absurd at the time. When they realized that there are strange, illogical experiences we call dreams that happened during REM sleep, they start to carefully observe this phenomenon. Studies were also conducted on mammals and birds where it was found that they show signs of REM sleep while the reptiles and cold-blooded animals don't. This concludes that mammals and birds most probably dream in their sleep too.

REM sleep begins when the area at the base of the brain send brain waves to the thalamus, cerebral cortex and spinal cord. The signals order the spinal cord to shut off all neurons in the spinal cord and causes temporary paralysis in the muscles. This is the natural reaction to prevent a person from acting out their dreams. (If the muscles are not paralyzed, people who dream about playing football most probably be kicking his bedmate all night long.)

Believe it or not, REM sleep actually stimulates the brain region that is used to learn. Cerebral cortex (refer the paragraph before) is the region of the brain that is used for thinking, learning and organizing information. This is probably the reason why sleep is so important in daily life. People who are lacking of REM sleep usually have difficulties to recall what they have learn. Some scientists also believe that during the sleep, the cortex is organizing the information that it receive during the day and in the attempt to do so, it creates a 'story' out of the fragmented brain activities.

The story are the dreams that the person is having. Some dreams are incorporated with the memory, the thoughts and some are just the mere fantasy that the brain created. The visual dreams, as in what we see in the dreams are basically what we have seen, or at least what we hope to see. The blind people do not have visual dreams. They usually dream of things they touched, heard and feel. Researchers also believe that more negative emotions are portrayed in the dreams, such as fear, anger and frustration. Dreams that comes with the positive emotions are usually the fantasy dreams in colours. Dreams that portrays negative emotions are usually in black and white or dull colours.

People dreams more that five times when they sleep but they usually forgets their dreams because the part of the brain that is used to memorized is inactive during the sleep. People who have accustom themselves to recall their dreams as soon as they wake up have tendency to remember their dreams. They could also remember details and colours in their dreams and this is said to have association with their creativity and imagination. People with creative minds tend to remember their dreams more vividly because their dreams are usually weird and out of the world with lots of colours and different things that what they have seen all day. :)