Mirae

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Assalamualaikum w.b.t,

I am walking into adulthood. I have worries for my future. I want to settle down with a nice job, a comfortable house, a dream car and a family of my own. But I am still clueless. Sometimes I feel helpless. I have my fears. All I seek at the moment is some understanding and support. Understanding that even though I may look like I don’t care, I actually care. I actually try. I need support that even though it is hard in the beginning, I can do this. I will survive this.

Don’t rush me, I might give up. I might break. Support me. Believe in me. Give me time. Give me trust. Believe that I will pass all the hurdles. I am starting to run. I might fall. You don’t have to pick me up. Just tell me that I CAN get up. Then, I WILL get up. I WILL run and I WILL get to the point you wish I should be.

Along

Bismillahirrahmanirrahim,

Assalamualaikum w.b t,

Along. I am called that way by people closest to me. In our community, Along is a nickname usually given to firstborns.

Being firstborns come with responsibilities. My head is always filled with those responsibilities. Especially now that I am in my twenties, the responsibilities seemed to have increased. I am graduating soon. Though my parents never really express their expectations, I always knew that they had their expectations of what I could achieve.  
Firstborns are always the one to set the bars for the younger siblings. Achieve or not, the firstborns will go through it first. There are other responsibilities of firstborns - being second parent to the younger siblings. I don't know about others but that is what I have been doing in these past few years.

I am naturally protective. I am very concerned about my younger siblings's friends and activities. Sometimes I felt that I am being a little nosy but I have been doing that for years now. If my younger siblings are in some kind of trouble, I would make sure to at least reduce the magnitude of trouble before the issue reach our parents.

With things going on these days, my fear of taking up responsibilities as a parent is increasing. I know my younger siblings are growing up, they are teens now. But I can't help but to worry. I talk to them. They listened, yes. But at some point, they do it all over again. Call me a worrywart but hey, in this age, you don't know what can happen. Anything is possible.

My younger siblings are my responsibility to protect and unless I am sure they are safe and sound to conduct themselves where ever they are, I don't think I will be able to peacefully settle down.